I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
