we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
