also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Randomize
