You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Randomize
