Your dad touched me again.
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
