I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
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