that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
We need to get me chipped asap
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
