so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
My liver is preforming stress tests.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
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