Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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