I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Randomize
