I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
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