Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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