ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
