I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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