then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
