I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Randomize
