I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
of course. lets lasso hookers.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
