Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
