dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Randomize
