you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
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