You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Randomize
