the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
