Welp...herpes.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
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