Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(206): View more from Washington

This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.

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(417): View more from Missouri

Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?

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(864): View more from South Carolina

long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".

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(330): View more from Ohio

the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.

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(727): View more from Florida

the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere

(1-727): View more from Florida

it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man

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(806): View more from Texas

Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that

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(206): View more from Washington

What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?

(425): View more from Washington

Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.

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(201): View more from New Jersey

It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.

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(530): View more from California

Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.

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