tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize
