he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
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