We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Randomize
