Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
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