definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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