Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
