I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
