you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize