he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
