and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Randomize
