She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
