i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Those nachos came to me in a dream
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Randomize
