....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
I can't turn off my feet"
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
