Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
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