I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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