We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Randomize
