quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize