i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize
