You really coming over, don't trick.
Buhtt sex?
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Randomize
