dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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