Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
