Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
