I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
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