i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I just want to make out with him forever
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
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