Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
