these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
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