There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
either way he was missing a nipple.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
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