I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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