david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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