he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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