why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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