She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
