I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Randomize
