i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
We had to coat check the pizza.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
