sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I stole a fireplace last night.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
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