Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Randomize
