I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Randomize
