that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Randomize
