So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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