Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize