Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
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