Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
