Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Randomize
