yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
