Taylor Swift is so right about you.
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Randomize
