I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
