turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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