PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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