If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
