dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
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