i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
