im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
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