I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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