Quick, to the slutcave!
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
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