I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
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