im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Randomize