You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Randomize
