Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
