You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
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