rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Randomize
