Capitaan dildo arrescate!
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
bring money and cleavage
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Randomize
